For those of you, who are not familiar with the terminologies mentioned in the title:
Mallu's( including me) are a clan of people in India who inhabit a narrow strip of cocount grove geographically positioned down south of Goa, between the Western Ghats and the Arabain Sea, and speak in Malayalam, which according to them is a very 'simble' language.
The Mallu species can be broadly classified into 3 - Christian mallu, Hindu mallu and Muslim mallu. There are infinitessimal sub divisions to each of these main divisions, which in political terms is known as the caste system.
Arranged marriage - Is an integral component of the mallu sanskar, a tradition that is proudly followed in most of the families of malluland, right from the time man discovered fire (or may be even before). This is an arrangement in which the family (Immediate/Distant/Very Distant/very very distant relatives), friends, neighbours, neighbours of relatives, servants, all decide to zero in and torture any boy/girl of marriageable age into wedlock.
As per the moral police, it is scandalous for the boy/girl to decide whom he/she is going to spend the rest of his/her life with.( Who ever attempts that-let their life rot in hell) .The right to find a suitable 'arrangement' therefore lies with the above mentioned list of 'well wishers' of the guy/girl.
From time immemmorial, countless generations of mallus have entered the bliss and harmony of wedlock by means of this 'arrangement'...and they are adamant that the tradition ispreserved in all purity, allowing the future generations to experience the same 'bliss' as they did. This has ensured that unlike other 'mallu values' that were lost in the influx of 'Gulf' and Amercian money during the post Independance era, the tradition of 'arranged marriages' continue to thrive in malluland.
Moreover this 'arrangement of affairs' has greatly supported the growth of Mallu economy, by sustaining hell a lot of small scale industries. Listing some of them below :
Marriage bureaus-
had humble beginnings in thacthed single rooms and were run by a sub-species of the mallu clan termed as the 'broker'. This is not a male dominated career and malluland has an equal mix of 'brokers' and 'brokerni's'. They can be identified by the presence of the inevitable component - binded diary/notebook in the crook of their arm . This diary holds the photo/DOB / salary/ family details..and all other vital statistics relating to every boy/girl of marriagable age in the same jurisdiction. Thanks to the recent 'e' volution of the 'e' era, we have 'e' brokerage sites, for the more tech savvy mallu's but the 'broker' is still a favorite of the less tech savvy momma's and Pappa's.
Furniture marts/Household accesories
Nerolac/Asian/Nippon and numerous other Paint manufactures-
All part of the arrangement, to make the residence of the prospective bride / groom attractive and eye catchy. Two or three rounds of painting might be needed, if the match the following process extends over couple of years. (Not to mention the painetrs/mason's etc..who never need to worry about a job due to the thriving marriage industry in malluland).
RMKV/Kalyan/Josco...( list goes on) silks-
Josco/Alappat/Bhima/Alukkas--jewelers
Lakme/Revlon/L'oreal--
Addidas/Nike/Bata-
popular cosmetic brands/apparel/jewellery shops/accesories that a mallu lady uses, to enhance her charms, so that she makes a lasting impression on the (i didn't mean the indelible lipstick :D) 'alpha male' that chachan (dad) has nailed for her.
St George Bakery/Sita/Jeeva/Ann's---
Any bakery which serves the mandated delicacies like Tea cake, Appy fizz , Halwa etc. (We mallu's are absolute foodies..).Homemade delicacies like vattayappam , ethakka appam ..etc are also a huge hit.
Note .**Roasted nut factories in Quilon were saved from recession, due to the immense popularity of roasted and salted cashewnuts in the mallu pennukaanal (seeing the bride) ceremony associated with arranged marriages.
AirIndia/Indian railways/KPN/PKN and other bus services which shuttle out of station brides and grooms to and from from their hometown, for the countless bride/groom viewing ceremonies that happen as part of 'match the following'.
Even health care industries make profit out of this arrangement.We have a popular brand of health tonic in malluland whose ad goes like this: ''My daughter was very thin and because of that she was not getting any suitable proposals. Now after having XYZ tonic, she has become so smart , her dad has to stay awake at night and chase boys away from theneighbourhood- All thanks to XYZ'' Accompanied by pictures of a now smart and round looking girl with her now happy mom.
With the entire economy in the firm grips of marriage market, I understand why the elder generation of mallu's are fanatic about the 'arranged marriage' thingy. If every young mallu decided to defy the elder junta and find a gal/guy of their own, not only would it bring shame to the family, but might trigger a chain of events in the economic sector which can escalate to catastrophic propotions, and bring the entire malluland to its knees.
Almost all the events in the whole parody of an 'arranged marriage' are kick started by seemingly harmless conversations like the one below:
Mom goes to Hospital to see an ailing relative.There she meets Leelamma, another aquaintance whom she has not seen for a long time.
Mom: Hello Leelamme.
L : Ayyo Hello Mariayamme.Enthokkeyundu visesham??( This is a standard mallu greeting meaning-How are you?)
Mom: I am doing good.How's everyone at home?
L : Now that the children are married off, me and achayan(Achayan is a salutation which the mallu christain wife uses to address her husband..much like bava in telugu or mama in Tamil).. are all by ourselves.We are doing good.
Mom: Oh great. how are the daughters doing?
L : They are doing good. The younger one is coming from Dubai for Christmas.You have a daughter right? What is she doing?
Mom: She is working for TCS in Chennai.
L :molde kalyanam vallom aayo???( What is the progress on your daughter's marraige)
Mom-Sigh- Ippozhathe pillarude karyamalle( Today's generation ..rt). we have not started looking very actively. She was in UK for 2 years and have come back only now. She is saying she wants to go back to UK.
L : they will tell all such things. It is we ( the parents) who have to take initative and make them settle down. Don't delay such things.( takes out Mobile)- here - note down this number. This is Pappachan. the broker who helped us find alliances for both my daughters. Good guy only and charges reasonably.
Mom: (Takes out her mobile as well and notes down the number). Thanks ketto Leelamme..
L : NP. Give me your number also. If we know of any good guys, will let you know.
(After the exchnage of numbers, conversation veers of to other mundane topics)
Same day-Night 12;00 AM.- Dad trying to sleep. Mom having sleepless night recounting the conversation with Leelamma.
Mom: Leelamma from Mavelikkara saw me at the hospital today
Dad: Ok. Why did she come to hospital?
Mom: its not about Leelamma.
Dad: Oh So is her Husband ill?
Mom:( Angry looks at dad, which fortunately he cannot see as the lights are switched off.)
She was asking me, if we have started looking for Neethu.
Dad: She is still young. Also we'll better have a word with her before we start off anything( God bless all Dad's in the world for whom their little girls never grow up)
Mom: You are the one who is spoiling her. My daddy did not ask my permission when he married me to you.
Dad:(Thinking :neither did mine :( ..see what I have ended up with)) Times are different now.
Mom: What times are different. If she has plans to bring home anybody, I'll break both her legs off.
Dad: (Preffers a two legged daughter over a legless one)-Ok let me see.
Mom: What let me see??? Leelamma told me about that guy Pappachan-he found good match for both her daughters .She has given me Pappachan's number. You have to call him up first thing tommorrow morning and register her name with his bureau.
Dad: Ok but I feel we need to discuss with her also.
Mom: You go ahead and register her name there.I'll talk to her.
(Neethu's fate is sealed)
So the very next day Dad goes in search of Pappachan, to register his precious daughter's biodata and avail Pappachan's esteemed services in getting a suitable bridegroom.
To be continued...
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